Who puts the "proof" in the waterproofing? At FootJoy's research center in Brockton, Massachusetts, the 1,000-pound, $75,000 Bjorksten Footwear Testing Apparatus marches two to four miles per hour, never breaking stride.

The U.S. Army commissioned the first Bjorksten footwear tester in the early 1980s to test combat boots. Three of the 11 machines in existence are at FootJoy, where shoes are cooked, frozen, flexed, contorted, and ripped apart sole from upper - everything but eaten by Charlie Chaplin.

Doug Robinson, FootJoy's advanced-concepts manager, evokes Willy Wonka when he says the machine has helped his company inch closer to the "everlasting gob-stopper" of footwear - a perfect fit for the tireless tin soldier padding about continuously in its lab.